Random randomness from my Noodle

"Half of any person is wrong and weak and off the beaten path.Half! The other half is dancing and swimming and flying in the invisible joy!" Rumi

I read this quote and try to find the half of me that has been hiding the Joy. I think that train left the station and is headed back. Can I learn to let people in and be at peace with the afflictions I have? In a more realistic view happiness is only found in medication at the moment. Talking to people is helping the fact that I can vent to people with same or different vices. I am using everything I can to get back to some normalcy in my life and back to work. I miss people at work and having that to do. I do not miss the stress or the scheduling but I am going to be back soon.

     It is amazing to have someone to talk to daily that actually fascinates me. I think that is a major positive to have in life. Why I do not want to go back to the Isolating that I have had in the last 5 years. I am going to have to eventually get a better car to be able to be available to my family more. Gas prices for the trips home have doubled from when I moved up here. Summer has arrived 3 days in the 90s made me aware of how to sweat.  On a side note of Rambling I have appointments all next week.

In recent appointments I have made gains with my voice and hope to see full recovery soon. I am going to have surgery next Thursday for my wrist to see if it will help the pain. Can you imagine me with a talking voice being able to be the smart ass I am.

     I want to thank everyone for the support and concern for my well being. I feel loved and less likely to act on any negative thinking that occurs in my mind. I have to face those thoughts head on and just work with it. I find that walking is helping me with the time I need to have the thoughts out. I am currently trying to get involved with a program called STEPPS which is a 12-15 week course on Emotional education. I feel it would make me stronger I also want to continue being able to go to the Group at Peer center. When I return to work I am going to try to adjust my schedule around to be able to keep this in the routine. If I just return to work and think I can work and ignore my problems then I might as well throw away all my gains of the last month.

I did get to see my pal Matt Wright when he played the hub again. I am so happy he is full time musician amazing talent. I also appreciate his patience with my no voice issue. Every time we see each other we both have a lot to say about things but my voice makes that hard.  Euphorquestra is the name of the band he is playing keyboards and singing with. The band is a great afro beat/Funk band I love the set up. I even enjoy the change up in the set list every time you see them. The band has amazing depth and improvisation skills.  I recommend this band to everyone they are awesome.  One thing that I have found with my new found interest in reading is I listen to more music than watching TV. Jazz thru pop on random over 1500 song playlists and I also learned how to make a cd with iTunes.  The Little things are important something I forgot all about.

Who would think that it is June all ready? It is though and that means half the year is here inching closure to 2012. My hopes for the rapture have a new life with 2012. Although we are getting closer to the end of Harry Potter which I never thought would of lasted this long. It is one of my fond memories of Levi when we took the kids to the first Harry Potter.  Levi Traumatized a little boy sitting near him by attacking the popcorn he had.  Then he screamed loud and ate his gauze Pad on his stomach tube and passed out.  I loved that little monster it still makes me sad thinking of what was taken from the world.

Top Five things I need to do in my life.

1. Look out Kiwis I am invading your country.

2.          Deep thoughts about future goal in life

3.          Dig out of medical debt and stop seeing doctors back in full health

4.         Return to work and show I am dependable again,

5.          Have a special friend to be with and talk too.