Did somebody say the Zed word?

 One day a simple farmer is out in his field when along came a strange man came lurking.  I called out and said “Hello” and all he did is kept moving toward me and a moaning sound. I became concerned as he came closer and I say he was a Doctor and there was blood all over him. So I Yelled what is going on? He kept coming at me and then he just lunged at me and bit me. I ran back to my home but did not feel well. I became dizzy and then fell in a chair.  That is the end as I diminished as a human the urge came..  BRAINS!!!!!  Farmer Bob was born the epidemic had spread and there was a mob of Zombies on the road. All of us felt the need the need to feed so we headed for Iowa City. At first we were just given a glance but as we attacked horror took over the streets of Iowa City. Lead by some Joker we attacked the Mall and Ped Mall with a gruesome fierceness on the menu drunken Hawkeye fans. The people of Iowa city devised a plan to get rid of us and as we are simple creatures we fell for the trap. We chased victims into the basement of the Yaht Club and that is where we met our doom as the doors closed and a Improv troup stood there and bored us to our deaths. Not A noble way to die but an end at last to what was my last day on the earth.  As I lay on the floor diminishing I let out one last moan ooooooohooooooooo………

Seriously I had amazing fun doing the zombie march with friends. Joe is really amazing at doing the makeup and is one hell of a zombie.

It is nice to be able to go and do things that I find fun in the past I would pass as would not be comfortable to be in public like that. I was given lots of compliments on my costume.  I also had my cousin with me which it was a special day for me as we have been thru a lot lately. Rhiannon Won the costume contest which was awesome she was a disco Zombie and damn she had it down.  I will do it again as it is something that was fun and for charity. 

Just a small update since I have not blogged in so Long about me. Currently I have Tonsillitis which sucks been fighting over a week and lost my voice due to the swelling. SO I am now on steroids and antibiotics to fight that hopefully by middle of next week I will feel better.  I have been going to work and then been watching a lot of dvr shows and movies it has been nice to get caught up on some of that.  Mentally it has been rough as I continue my search for answers about my Half Brother and I had somewhat of a panic attack that set me back for a couple of weeks. I trying not to spend too much time searching as it opens a festering wound of unanswered questions. My nature always thinks the worse things first and it takes a severe toll on me.

I have been putting myself out there on the dating scene online but nothing has developed as I listen to my therapist advice. It is really like being out of your element I have not dated anyone in so long and the online dating is a whole different animal. I will keep trying as I do see the benefit of having someone to be around and talk to. This year is flying to the end of it and I am part glad as it has been a rough year. I now need to focus on how to make more funds so I can get to New Zealand and also buy a car that I want. A new Jetta TDi it is a goal of mine.  Enjoy the photos and thanks for reading later 

  

Friends who are they how long do you have them part 1

      What is the defining point of being Friends?

After three cups of coffee and a nap I came to a revelation. I had to pee (oops tmi) so after that I started thinking about the differences in what a friend can be. Time changes all people change sometimes they become too immersed in their own lives to keep up relationships. I would say I have had that problem in an alteration I had the time just was running with a light house keeper running my brain. If you really think about it there are so many people you meet in life that you think you’ll never lose contact with and always friends. It appears that is really a fantasy for the majority of us. One thing that is constant in this scenario is that Family never goes anywhere so I will be excluding them from this discussion. You meet fascinating people at all times of your life but what are the reasons they stick in your life? What is the factor that makes the bond stick? At this point of my life I have found reasons on why friendships end. The loss of a friend thru disconnection is not a final ending just more if we meet again to rekindle. There of course are reasons friendships can end thru other means like a fight or change in philosophy or just a change in circle of friends.

Todd.

This is the first coming to mind from Elementary thru High School we were best friends. I even was babysat at his house as a toddler so that is where we started to be friends. Social standards for us were the same poor white people wearing hand me downs and getting picked on a lot. In Elementary we were in band together and no on like Todd to get our Band Director to lose his mind. On Field trip for band almost had our band director strangling him for just being annoying. As we both grew older we were in more activities together in Choir we performed duets at state level competition and got the highest rating level I. we were usually underprepared so we would ride around in his car and sing. I am reminded of a day in Marching Band at Balloon Days parade in Creston where we had Brand new marching band uniforms. Todd came back with a Helium balloon and started to suck on it and make the funny sound. I told him he had better quit before Band Directors see’s him. Todd did not at all he took on another balloon and then dropped like a stone as he blacked out. All you could here was the Band Director YELLING “GET HIM OFF THE GROUND NOW!!!!!!!!!!” All thru High School we did Speech Improv and drove Band director crazy to a point that reenacting the Chris Farley Bee’s scene in marching band almost got him expelled from school. I laughed so hard he literally thru his tuba on the ground and started running like a mad man with Band director after him. Football was another shared activity we were workout buddies and both offensive and defensive linemen. My junior year I got a job at Taco John’s and a few months later Todd started there too one day he came in with his mother on his day off. I was on the line so he ordered burritos and I had the counter person push a drink but Todd refused. What he did not know is that I loaded his Burrito’s with super hot Sauce and all of us were snickering.  He came to school the next day and yelled at me about how he had nothing to drink and his mouth burned all the way home. Looking back at all of this you would think we would still be good friends.

 The last thing I think about is my senior year we were in the gym playing wuffle ball. I was at Home plate and Todd was on base and he made a comment “I’m coming for you Hughes” and then the ball was hit and as he was hauling like a freight train home I moved out of the way. Todd changes course to make sure he got me and boy he won the contact flip me on my head on concrete. I woke up on a stretcher heading out of the school and this was a day before Prom. So I Had a concussion and my Girlfriend had to carry me neck brace and all thru the promenade it was rough. Todd and I being the friends we were danced and then had our picture taken for the year book. After High School we took a trip to Europe with the Iowa Ambassadors of Music group. I even lived with him after I got back when I found I was Homeless. Then shortly after high school we stopped talking he disappeared. Todd got lost in the world of Crank and other drugs. I would see him at the old job from time to time and really it was frightening he was shrinking teeth rotting out and shaking. That was the end of our friendship I have not spoken to him or seen him in years. This picture of us on top of Matterhorn will always be what our friendship was.

The Creston Gang 

The gang consisted of a group of people that all worked at the same place. The group started when I met Jeremy while working at Taco John’s. We became instant friends and started to hang out all the time and cruise the strip of Creston. He then suggested I get a job working with kids so I applied. My First day in training a beautiful woman named Shannon dump like 100 gallons of water all over my shoes. This started the Three Amigo’s two of the closest friends you could have. We all worked the same place and Shannon being over 21 became our boo’s supplier, we had a lot of parties at her house some really crazy nights. Jeremy and I were like married always arguing and hanging together then going on road trips to nowhere in the middle of the night. Jeremy and I moved in together for a short stint in a 2 bedroom in Creston. Then Jim joined us in a loft apartment in downtown Creston.  So we had a routine of playing football watching movies hanging out with our girlfriends and working. The Loft became the Hang out and Party central we had all sorts of great parties up there. A New Years Eve toga Party that went down in the history books as a wild night. Kindrea came into the gang shortly after we started working with her she was shy but we worked her out of the shell. On occasion my friends from college would come up for a shindig looking back at that time I had so many great friends at that time. A lot of my college friends are still friends today or I know if I ever see them again would be fun. The core Gang however that has a lasting effect on my life.

Jeremy and I went on one of the best vacations I have ever had to this day to camping in the Ozarks. We packed up the tempo and blew our paychecks on camping stuff and found the wilderness. We also had a great time at miniature golf and go- carting. We also had fun at work and then would go back to the loft and party or Watch “Empire Records” over and over. Shannon and I would go cruising listening to R&B. We also would watch “Soulfood” over and over at her place. As roommates and friends we experienced fights and great times. A tradition of the gang was to go to the local Happy Shit (chef) as that is what I wrote on a check one night. Sitting up all night talking about what we want to be or about girlfriend or boyfriend issues. When Jim moved out to go to School Kindrea moved in and slowly the gang started to dissipate as life does.  Jeremy, Kindrea and I went to Colorado for spring break for vacation it was a fun trip we saw a lot of state. As time went on Shannon moved away and Kindrea and I had a relationship and Jeremy and I grew apart. Any things I did to cause harm I am sorry about it. It amazes me that after all we been thru and of the gang I am Friends with just Shannon who is still my best friend for life. I love her and wish I lived near her and extremely happy that she is having kids and living a good life in Colorado.  There are many others in the Creston some I am still good friends with and thankful for. 

This is Part one of the Friends Blog as I realize your eye strain and time are precious. I really do appreciate any feedback about this Blog.  As I was writing this I watched “Empire Records” to feel like I was back in that setting as I do miss part of it and the people.  More to come soon…  

Does time really heal all?

  Today things just came crashing down like a ton of Bricks in therapy. I also ended my speech pathology treatment with a return to work next Wednesday.

I am worried about the changes and that I will be not able to use the peer center as much to be able to vent or just talk about the issues that are occurring in my head. Yesterday, I had another confrontation with the psychologist I am seeing he still says that Mayo is not a good Idea. To Admiral Akbar I would like to introduce him to my cat the Domestic Terrorist Phil.

      I am able to call my relatives and friends now it is something you take for granted. Today for the first time a year I talked to my Grandma and Aunt Nadine. That has made me happy but also regretful as I never see or hear from grandma anymore.  It seems time goes so fast and really can get caught up in your own universe. I am diagnosed with Major depression, Post traumatic Stress Disorder and Anxiety those take life away as I was not on meds and therapy prior to now. Living Life with no emotions or purpose is what I have been doing for years.

      I have started to learn what the word recovery means and how that can be achieved? I have read 12 books now on mental illness and recovery I will continue to work on that thru groups and therapy and reading as it will not just happen overnight. My therapist says I am doing well and a lot stronger but I have a long way to go. I have suppressed so much and I feel pain and anger for a lot of things that have happened in the present and the pass. One part of recovery that I have control on is the meds I am on it took two months and at this time I feel like I can stand the drugs I am on. I hate some of the side effects a lot and every morning is a question of should I take these and I do it. For the first time in last 3 months I was able to cry before I have been on too many drugs and that had me numb to everything. I am going to apply for a Peer Specialist position so that way I can use this towards helping others. I used to be able to help so many people with my Jobs of the past. It has been a missing part of my life.

     
      I know that I am getting better in the long run but it is never going to be easy. The last two weeks I have been severely depressed as I had been reducing meds as I do not feel my psychiatrist is working for me. I have argued with him now for the last 5 weeks and really I am in the process of switching as I need someone who is going to listen and not just let things drag out. I know that I have to be on the drugs and I am willing to commit to taking them if they are working but I am not going to let someone dictate the drugs and just say they are what you need to take. I do not deal well with side effects like increased shaking and blurred vision and that is what I had been arguing with him about for weeks. I will have ups and downs as the PTSD comes to me in dreams or random moments and they are like rogue waves that bring me back to a painful thought. I am finding difficulties coping with things that really hurt. The last two weeks I have been distracted or just out of it. I no longer can go to the peer center daily as the hours are not compatible with work. I have returned to work which will help with financial stress. I will have to keep stress down as I feel I can relapse back into no voice. This was written three weeks ago.

  

    The mayo conclusion of visits has left me in a state of no final answer. What I mean is that the tremor in my voice has no cure and that drugs for tremors are not really successful for voice. I saw the neurology department which confirmed I have essential tremor. That causes my body to shake but they do not think it is the same thing in my throat. I saw the psychology department at mayo and they confirmed that my current doctor is an idiot. Last doctor I saw in mayo was Dr Duffy who is the speech Pathologist he stated I need to keep working on inflection and that the tremor will not go away. I feel better that I can talk and I will be looking into singing lessons in the future.

I still have to go to therapy for a lot of things and to learn coping skills for stress. I also will continue to take the drugs as I want to live life. I made the return to work July 6^th it went ok. I was missed as my work was annoying my coworkers.  I find that I have not missed a beat on work and just trying to keep stress levels down at this time. I need to work to pay bills and make sure that I can keep my independence. I know that my family wants me to move closer to home. It is a nice thought and I would like some of it but I have no idea what I want to do? If I move I lose all financial progress that I finally had made. Currently I am sitting in equity and living above water.  The stress of being in the hole financially is hard on me. I took a loan off my 401k to consolidate the latest round of medical debts and to get my roof fixed. I am not overjoyed but I would rather have the monkey off my back as it looks like I am done with most of the doctors for now.

      My boss keeps asking now that I can talk if I want to apply for a different job. Today was the second time since I have been back that she has asked. I do not think I willing to change at this time and that is what I told her and that I will not commit to a phone position. I know that I am not getting paid the same rate as phone agents are now but my voice is worth more than a few more dollars an hour. I also don’t want to add more stress on my life right now. I think she knows I am capable of doing a different more demanding job and that is why she keeps bringing it up. I will think about this for a while but really not going to make any moves till maybe next year.  This Blog took a while to get out as I have been watching a lot of BSG with Jim. I also have been trying to keep busy with some things away from home.  

Time flies now that I am back to work so will have to get into routine of writing the blog again. Till next time

It’s Just a Flesh Wound Right?

 This week I had a lot of developments on health.  I had Surgery for a Carpo tunnel release in the left wrist that was hurting me. I was thinking there would be more to the surgery but when it came down to the actual surgery it was ten minutes. I did not feel a thing and I was so enthused I asked the surgeon “when we doing the right Wrist as if we could just do that right there lol?” He wants to see how this turns out first I feel a lot better after 3 days and it is a stinging annoying pain but I can do most things now just not lift things with the hand. Pre surgery was way more difficult than the operation as Sis came to be with me and the nurses supplied me with a mini skirt to wear while waiting for surgery. Sis enjoyed this so much she made calls and thank the gods she did not have a camera phone or endless humiliation galore. I got to sit in the mini skirt with two IV’s in both hands for like an hour that suuucked! 

Having Sis there was good and I am Thankful she made it up to babysit me for the day. After the Surgery was done we immediately proceeded to the nearest Starbucks. I also introduced her to Pita pit and the awesomeness of that good place to eat.  We made it back to my house to start a Movie marathon and I sat in a little bit of misery. Sis got all the joys of being a guest as Phil made sure he got his ten cents in. HISSSS!!!  Phil is a jerk like that always telling the house guests off might have to put him down so I can get married we shall see? Sis was way helpful and as the night led on I started to get nauseous it sucked but oh well. I got tired around 10 ish so I went back to bed which was uncomfortable with the raised arm but I managed. I had to get up a few times and Sis was on the floor crossways on the floor I was worried the first time thru I was going to kick her in the head lol. I left a Light on from that point on as I knew would be up again and sure enough at 4 am I was up in pain so I Iced took some pills and Phil got to flop all over me in Cat Joy for a half hour. I am sure sis did not get a lot of sleep I kept waking up and demanding things. The next day I felt better so Sis went home and I was visited from friends which was good.

Mayo Appointment earlier in the week was the best appointment I have ever been on. The Doctors actually talk to each other I have been to Iowa City for over a year. Never once was a referral in house spoken to just notes that did not help them. Mayo Approach is amazing in and I feel like I will be able to recover now. The word Hope came back to mind as they targeted exactly what I was going there without really have to tell them. My current state as of two weeks ago I finally broke the Aphonic State (that means no voice) I am able to speak a little. I have a lot of fatigue and things to work thru but things are getting a little better. All the work at Speech Pathology finally provided positive results. Now I have an Organic Tremor in my throat that both, UNI and Mayo are concerned about. Mayo is sending me to Neurologist’s and a new Psychiatrist that specializes in issues with Dysphonia and will be able to check the meds I am currently on to see if that has any effect with the tremor. This makes me feel a lot more normal and less uneasy with my condition.  I also have an issue with my current psychiatrist as he is not helping with the drugs he is prescribing.

My Aunt Kenner came and picked me up and took me to Mayo for the second time. Thanks a millions for coming all this way to go to the appointments. On our first adventure we discovered a wonderful Bar and Grill called the” Canadian Honker” had a great lunch and discovered the Best damn Cheese Curds I have ever had. I get the shakes just thinking about how awesome they really are. This trip we agreed to get some of those to go with Coffee from Caribou which is Yum too. So while waiting on Cheese Heavenly Curds I saw

they sold Tee shirts so I bought Kenner one. It is awesome Kenner was way happy I bought it. She resisted the temptation of the Cheese with only eating 5 or 6 of them lol, But I gorged out so it was all good. Our next trip will be way early on July 5^th which is going to be hard for Kenner to get up here but I thank her and love her much for going with me.

The Future is looking like a return to work as of July and some less discomfort with my voice and other issues. I still have a long way to go on therapy and getting my head at peace. I know that I have family and friends to lean on for support. I also have come out of the darkness with a new outlook on things that are exciting to me and I am hoping exciting to some others too. I am reading and learning new things about how to cope with things better. I am going to try to get my work schedule changed a little so I can do the peer center and activities there to keep in check. It is easier when you are around people who are battling things to relate and feel less like an alien. I want to see some people more often and they know who they are. I hope the wrist starts to feel better as it will help with playing piano a lot it was really painful. I would like to find a teacher for lessons again and learn more maybe find a vocal coach see if I can get my voice back into shape. Kenner is always saying she wants me to sing again. 

Soon it will be football season can’t wait to see if the Hawks are going to rebound. In theory they should be middle of the pack this year but a winning program is infectious. I went to Hangover 2 recently I would say it has funny moments but I felt the timing was not as good as the first movie. I also think that the person I went with should go to more events with me it was fun.  I also need to get back on the walking trails try to keep the weight down. I also got news that I might be housing Solomon and Simone the wonder cats for a little bit.  Phil is going to be happy to see Solomon but he is not going to be gleeful about the return of the devil Simone.  Good tidings to all until I right again……

Random randomness from my Noodle

"Half of any person is wrong and weak and off the beaten path.Half! The other half is dancing and swimming and flying in the invisible joy!" Rumi

I read this quote and try to find the half of me that has been hiding the Joy. I think that train left the station and is headed back. Can I learn to let people in and be at peace with the afflictions I have? In a more realistic view happiness is only found in medication at the moment. Talking to people is helping the fact that I can vent to people with same or different vices. I am using everything I can to get back to some normalcy in my life and back to work. I miss people at work and having that to do. I do not miss the stress or the scheduling but I am going to be back soon.

     It is amazing to have someone to talk to daily that actually fascinates me. I think that is a major positive to have in life. Why I do not want to go back to the Isolating that I have had in the last 5 years. I am going to have to eventually get a better car to be able to be available to my family more. Gas prices for the trips home have doubled from when I moved up here. Summer has arrived 3 days in the 90s made me aware of how to sweat.  On a side note of Rambling I have appointments all next week.

In recent appointments I have made gains with my voice and hope to see full recovery soon. I am going to have surgery next Thursday for my wrist to see if it will help the pain. Can you imagine me with a talking voice being able to be the smart ass I am.

     I want to thank everyone for the support and concern for my well being. I feel loved and less likely to act on any negative thinking that occurs in my mind. I have to face those thoughts head on and just work with it. I find that walking is helping me with the time I need to have the thoughts out. I am currently trying to get involved with a program called STEPPS which is a 12-15 week course on Emotional education. I feel it would make me stronger I also want to continue being able to go to the Group at Peer center. When I return to work I am going to try to adjust my schedule around to be able to keep this in the routine. If I just return to work and think I can work and ignore my problems then I might as well throw away all my gains of the last month.

I did get to see my pal Matt Wright when he played the hub again. I am so happy he is full time musician amazing talent. I also appreciate his patience with my no voice issue. Every time we see each other we both have a lot to say about things but my voice makes that hard.  Euphorquestra is the name of the band he is playing keyboards and singing with. The band is a great afro beat/Funk band I love the set up. I even enjoy the change up in the set list every time you see them. The band has amazing depth and improvisation skills.  I recommend this band to everyone they are awesome.  One thing that I have found with my new found interest in reading is I listen to more music than watching TV. Jazz thru pop on random over 1500 song playlists and I also learned how to make a cd with iTunes.  The Little things are important something I forgot all about.

Who would think that it is June all ready? It is though and that means half the year is here inching closure to 2012. My hopes for the rapture have a new life with 2012. Although we are getting closer to the end of Harry Potter which I never thought would of lasted this long. It is one of my fond memories of Levi when we took the kids to the first Harry Potter.  Levi Traumatized a little boy sitting near him by attacking the popcorn he had.  Then he screamed loud and ate his gauze Pad on his stomach tube and passed out.  I loved that little monster it still makes me sad thinking of what was taken from the world.

Top Five things I need to do in my life.

1. Look out Kiwis I am invading your country.

2.          Deep thoughts about future goal in life

3.          Dig out of medical debt and stop seeing doctors back in full health

4.         Return to work and show I am dependable again,

5.          Have a special friend to be with and talk too.

25 albums

I have wanted to write about Music for a while. Here is a list of 25 artists and Albums I love. All of the albums I still own and have bought multiple copies to replace them. I could of went for a top 50 albums but it is hard to Rate or put any one artist over each other. I still would put Stevie Wonder as he has had a huge impact on me.  Music was my obsession even as a Child growing up in the conditions I was exposed I would find myself in my room listening to these albums over and over. Music is my one escape from any of my troubles it can be uplifting to my mood.

Stevie Wonder Album;  Music of My Mind

This was Stevie’s first fully hands on Album where he plays most of the instruments and produced it. This was released the same year as “Talking Book” Showing that he was Untouchable in just the genius form. It was a beginning of 6 years of amazing albums that followed. Songs that would be consider B sides actually hold up on their own. Stevie Was 21 writing these amazing songs like “Superwoman; Girl Blue, Happier than the morning sun, and Seems So long.”

Our lady Peace Album; Clumsy

This Band has a special place as I saw them in 1995 the beginning of the Alternative end of the Grunge era. Rock from up in the nice lands of Canada a perfect set up. The sound of this band drew attention as it had a total Package of great Rock. This Album was the most successful Full of passion tracks like: “4am, Car Crash, Clumsy.” The songs had passionate lyrics with Raine’s voice making you be a part of the pain he was expressing.  

Smashing Pumpkins Album: Siamese Dream

This album I have replaced 8 times now due to over play. Billy was one of the first artists ever to put child abuse in the mainstream. The album is in is my top ten of all time. The use of electric guitars and Dynamics just is amazing sound from this album. Billy has two songs from this album that make most top 50 guitar solo’s of all time.“Soma, Today, and Mayonnaise” are timeless tracks.  I could go on and On about this album and the warm and fuzzes I feel for it but if you heard it then you already know.      

Lisa Loeb Album; Tails

My Dreamweaver she expresses herself in a heartbreaking Fashion on this album.  It took Lisa 7 years to get this album produced as no one would give her a Chance Till “Stay” was put on the reality Bites soundtrack. It was the event that allowed tails to be produced. I never get tired of her voice she is powerful and captivating to me. The idea of a woman and a acoustic guitar there was never any Auto tune on her albums as she sings from her heart. The only track I do not like is “Taffy” as just do not like the style. “Hurricane, Snow Day, and Do you sleep” is just amazing. I will always listen to her also in my Top Ten for me.

Hum Album; You’d Prefer an Astronaut

This is a Band of college friends out of Champagne Illinois. The band was caught up in the early 90s sound and were fans of all mainstream bands most of all Smashing Pumpkins. This Album was there only radio play for a Song called “Stars” and that is all it took for me to buy it. The band was so set on being perfect that there was always a argument about how the sound of each song produced. The Style of singing Mono-toned fit in the sound of the songs. The vocals are bright and Warm while the music had some obvious distorted minor tones to it. They were the first band to be titled Space Rock as a Genre.  Songs of interest “The Pod, I hate it too, Why I like Robins.”  

Zero 7 Album; When It Falls

IF you have not heard this it is a no Brainer to buy blind. The best world of Acid Jazz and Trip hop with 4 amazing vocalists “Sia, Mozez, Tina Dico, and Sophie Barker.” They bring diversity and life to this album in a feeding Frenzy of creativity and just Solid performances. This album and the tour that followed allowed them to get a bigger audience in the states as they are a UK band. This is one of the bands where I watch youtube videos and ask WHY DID I MISS this live.  This band has been making a huge dent in mainstream UK radio the past ten years and have seen some success on the state side “ in the Waiting Line was featured in Garden State.” Sia became Popular after being in this band for close 7 years.  

Stone Temple Pilots Album; Purple

This Follow up to the first album “CORE” I loved the direction this album went. It was not a repeat of the first Album. When you listen to this you can see how growth in their skills to write had jumped to the next level of Rock. The Songs I like on this album “Lounge Fly, Vaseline, Interstate Love Song and Kitchen Ware and Candy Bars.” Looking at the first two albums of this band and how popular they were. It is tragic that drugs took them out of play when Scott Wieland went off the deep end. They have had many comebacks and recently released another album but it will never match up to this album.

Esthero; Album; Breath From Another

This Album was from a 17 year old and a really up and coming producer that formed an amazing Trip Hop album. I found this when I watched Much Music and the Video for “Heaven Sent” came on. Her voice just melted me and the complexity of the sound was a major attraction to me. I bought this album and was just blown away on every Track. It is a perfect of Jazz and Trip hop she has a voice that could be retro fitted to Standards. Due to ever changing record Labels A lot of her videos get harder to find but I am looking forward to the third album. Tracks like “SuperHeros, Anywaz, That Girl, Loving and Heaven Sent” are always in my playlists.

The Swell Season Album; Strict Joy

This album is a product of Glenn Hasnard and Marqueta Iglovia most famously known for the Movie “Once” This album was recorded prior to the movie release as they were in the mind set of Writing together. You can tell the romance they had for themselves and the music they wrote in such a short period of time. Strict Joy is as titled an album with amazing music of all different Styles and utilizing their amazing Harmonies. It is rare to find a Duo so connected to what they are doing. This album is like a Bottle of great Wine subtle, Sweet and Passionate. Songs I love on this “The Rain, Verb, Fantasy man, “ all of the tracks are great and when you listen to “Once” it is a Huge Library of great work is such a short time.

    Pearl Jam Album; Ten

    Whip out the Flannel Shirts is Grunge time This is one of my favorite bands of all time from my Teens. They bottled up every one of just angry and opinionated music. The original Video for “Jeremy” was taken off the air for being too expressive of the issue bullying in school. Ten is one of the top grossing albums for a debut and there is not a weak track on it at all. Eddie singing style is not everyone’s cup of tea but I have always love it. It has been 20 years now and I still listen to this album like it is new. Songs I love “Oceans, Jeremy, Black. Alive, and Release Me”

Soundgarden; Album Super unknown

    This Album is a staple and in top ten land as it just express a lot of what I was feeling when it was release. Chris Cornell voice and just awesome Grunge made this band explode out of Seattle and into the mainstream. I used to listen to “Black Hole Sun” over and over before football games giving me access to what I felt that I was wishing for something to take me away. The songs on this album all have attachments to me. My favorite tracks “Fell on Black Days, 4^th of July, the day I tried to Live. Black Hole Sun.”

   Alice in Chains Album; Jar Of Flies

This Band is and always will be amazing it is Blues meets Grunge and colored with amazing Harmony from Jerry and Layne. This Album was done in 7 days as they left for a tour and forgot to pay the rent. When they got back to town the landlord had evicted them so they moved into the studio and provided this album. It is exactly what they were about.  The amazing Songs from this short work like “Nutshell” it is expression of pain that I relate to. This album is timeless to me and the videos for this album won awards and really pushed them to the top of the mainstream.

 Ben Folds Five Album; Whatever and Ever Amen

  It amazes me this album is almost 20 years old it took a crafty song about Abortion to get them into mainstream play with the Song “Brick.” I was blown away when I bought this album as all the lyrics were humor filled but the music was just so good. The Band was jamming and trying to fit in a world of rock using a Piano in the center of the sound. Ben is one of the greatest live acts I have ever seen. I have been to 9 Ben folds concerts each time I want to see more. All of that is due to this album and how awesome it is. Songs that I can’t get enough of are “Smoke, Fair. Battle of who could care less, Selfless Cold and Composed” All four albums and then the solo career of Ben have been amazing he is someone everyone with a Pulse can get into.  

 Beatles Album; Abbey Road

By far the best full album they had done and the last. The reason I love this album is that you can hear the adversity and it is more filled with individual performances. “Something” has been one of my all time favorites. The album is so diverse with the styles that are on it. “Mean Mr Mustard to Because” are songs that really have no relation to one another. The Beatles are all time favorite that no matter what time era it is. They will be Loved forever for the fantastic Songbook and legacy.

Tori Amos Album; From the Choirgirl Hotel

Tori, is another virtuoso Pianists who has continued to amaze me. This Album is the most expressive of all her albums with some amazing composition and intense Lyrics. The Contrast of “Spark” with “Pandora’s Aquarium” just gives me chills when I listen to them. Tori has a way giving life to her songs by expressing real life events in the writing. She also has a way with timing of songs as well and when performing reacting to the environment she is in live.

Aimee Man Album; I’m with Stupid

Is one of the most underrated solo artists of our time? Aimee Career stated with the new Wave group called “Til Tuesday” with the Hit “Voices Carry” When she left the group she started writing the tracks for this album. Which had to be released twice due to issues with record labels? This album was release and did not have success until the Movie “Magnolia” She was friends with Paul Thomas Anderson. He had Aimee right the score for the movie and Featured he songs in the movie with the cast singing “Save Me”. The success that the movie got and exposure allowed this album to come back from the dead. It is packed with great songs like “Choice in the Matter: You could make a Killing, Amateur, and That’s just what you are”. With so much trouble for record Labels and the industry and being the black sheep for years Aimee formed “Independent music collective United Artists.’ Which is a independent group that keeps all rights to their music and the masters so that they make the profits of the art they produce.

 Tool Album; 10000 Days

This Album opened my eyes to the absolute skill that Tool Has. I was skeptical of this band and heard the hits on the radio but I never just listened to all of the music to see the real art of it. This album is cover to cover a real masterpiece of Metal in the highest art form possible for the genre. The band is an cohesive and reactive group that contribute equally to the writing. The fact that the tracks are over 10 minutes in most of the album shows that they are not playing to the crowd. They are playing for themselves and the following they have is all they need. “Wings for Marie” is a song about Maynard’s fight with Cancer it is one of the best songs I have ever heard live. The Drummer Danny Carey is in the upper echelon of drummers in the world. If you get a chance to see this band best rock shows of our time.

Metallica: Album; Master of Puppets

As this is the Last album that Cliff Burton played and helped write. I feel his influence and educating the other members of the band had an effect that launched them into legends. Cliff Used theory in the writing and they wrote this album you can hear a development of sound from the previous albums. The Songs of “Welcome Home, Orion, Master of Puppets” pave the way for the new direction of the band in the following two albums. I only listen to this album anymore as Metallica is a band from my youth that I do not follow anymore. The Band has went thru changes and different direction from myself in the current time.

Andrew Bird Album: Noble Beast

I thank my best friend for just making me listen to this brilliant Artist. Andrew is a virtuoso Violinist that is a wizard with Looping and creating music. He plays xylophone; guitar, Violin, whistles and claps all in layers. As a live act it is true art form he has great support from the band he plays with. “Anonanimal” is really such a special creation of music to me. He emulates his violin while singing. With ever adapting arrangements of his songs and styles he is really the revival of “Jeff Buckley’s Spirit.“ I have seen him live he uses a unique sound system with the speakers he has. This album is a must own for music nerds out there.

Bjork Album; Vespertine

The peak of her career this album is so organic and amazing. Her arrangements of instruments and a choir give so much life to the music. I consider Bjork the queen of electronica as she uses computers and specially made music boxes to accommodate her. Bjork is very expressive in all of her music the total package as she is Unique. From a composition side it at a level that most artists will ever achieve. This album is amazing “Unison” is my favorite.

   Duncan Sheik Album; White Limousine

This is Duncan’s 6^th solo album and really was a catalyst to another form of writing. Duncan has always said that he never intended to be in the mainstream Pop but from his Debut he was forced into it. This album is his personnel style fully development. He is also preaching at the modern day America and how material it has gotten with the Title Track.  I own all of his music and the growth and change in writing style has grown. Songs that stick out “Hymm, Land”

  Archive Album; Lights

  This is a great Band which happens to have a great Friend of mine as one of the vocalists. Pollard Berrier a college friend has made a dent in writing with this UK band. This albums is great with tracks “Veins; System, Fold and Lights my favorite track.” I am awaiting there tour in the states they have been touring Europe for years. They put on a great mix of Trip hop and electronic music.

Jeff Buckley Album: Grace

This is a no brainer this album is amazing. Captivating original, Brilliant, Passionate, Tragic are all words to use when thinking about Jeff Buckley. He lives eternally in all that has heard this album. His voice is so Unique just his control of the falsetto and use of dynamics. I do not like just one song I love the whole album.

Queen Album; News of the World

This is a great full album of Queen’s I have always been a fan. Growing up I had this album and all thru sports when have you not heard “we will Rock you, We are the champions.” The album had great songs like “All Dead All dead and Spread your wings.” I really love most of the Queen’s Library of music.  So it is hard to pick just one Album.

Radiohead Album; Bends

The band that has change rock they have been leading the pack for years. Such a diverse group of songs that, they have created over the years. This Album is my favorite of all have replaced the album 3 times now from over play. Tracks like “Nice Dream” and “Bulletproof” are just classic and timeless songs. Radiohead’s Video of “Just” is one of best videos out there .

This post is long and I worked on it most of the day as it is hard to limit a list for 25 bands. This list is limited as really I could go on for a while about other albums and artists that I love.